An otherwise uneventful Sunday in the shires was punctuated by a ‘phone call from a husky-voiced lady claiming to be Kirsty Young, presenter of Desert Island Discs. My initial surprise on learning of the demise of Roy Plomley was tempered by the satisfaction of knowing that one’s achievements are at last starting to be recognized by the establishment. Miss Young was clearly au fait with my status as philanthropist, pillar of the local community and lately, of course, captain of industry. An appointment for a recording session was duly arranged.

Young Tarquin could scarcely contain his enthusiasm on hearing the news. 

“But father, she’s really hot!” he exclaimed, then adding more quietly “for an old bird”. I expressed some surprise that he was an aficionado of the programme, but apparently Miss Young had previously been a newsreader on Television Channel 5 (as many as five? can that be right?). The girls, too, were suitably impressed, opining that this association would improve my “street cred” no end.

The lady Hermione was rather less impressed, possibly as a result of listening to Tarquin enumerating the various charms of Miss Young for most of that afternoon. I feigned indifference, and began compiling my list of records. I’ll let you know how I get on.